Confession: This website has been ready to go for about three weeks now.
Three weeks. And that’s probably a conservative estimate.
Why, then, has it not been up? Simply because I'm nervous. That's about it. Nervous as all get out.
Not about the images, or the work. Not even about “striking out on my own” for the first time, without my courageous hunk of a husband. It’s this writing thing.
For those of you that have known Neph and I for some time, you’ll remember when eighty eighty-four (the now commercial aspect of our photography business) first started out. It was tough, but it was so fulfilling. Inspiring. I treasure that time. We both worked so hard and enjoyed it so much, but with Neph having a fifty-hour-a-week job art directing and designing, then shooting and editing on weekends, the vast majority of writing blog posts fell to me. And I loved it. My love for words and for connection cannot be overstated. Truly. I so thoroughly enjoyed sharing our stories and our lives. And I did it a lot. A whole lot.
But life has changed quite a bit since I rolled up to that desk, in the cozy office with white-paint-peeling wooden floors in our sweet little house with a screened-in porch and grassy front yard. Now Neph and I live in a loft in the very heart of the City (and I mean “City” with a capital “C”). Fully equipped with cement floors and exposed beams and brick, we love it. But it is different. So very different. Groceries are no longer carried five feet from the back seat to the front door. More like thirty yards and a couple flights of stairs. And Tonka’s walks no longer lead past the neighborhood fire station on tree-lined streets. Instead, it’s cracked asphalt and dog parks without grass. The list goes on...
And yet, we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is where Jesus has led us. He has been abundantly gracious with us. He has opened doors and brought to life dreams I only dared dream in the quiet little edges of my heart. He has fostered love and excitement and joy in us. He has brought us here, and to so many other places – in our minds, in our hearts, and in our walks, most of all. It has been a time filled with revelation, with the granting of eyes to see and ears to hear things we never saw or heard before. And along with all of it, a new home, a new community, a new ministry... so much new.
And when it comes to new, I am either all out or all in. I mean all in. I don’t begin projects, I tackle them. And that approach pretty much extends to all other areas of my life. I so love Peter, the Disciple, for this reason. Slicing ears off, jumping out of boats, declaring the Christ. He goes big. And quite often eats it, face first. But that is what endears me to him, and what encourages me. I get going, and I usually end up a little too far ahead, forgetting about the one Who’s supposed to be leading this whole thing. I trip, I get lost, I end up in places I don’t want to be, but He calls to me and His voice leads me back. He looks at me with deep compassion and fierce love, bandages my scraped knees, and carries me the rest of the way, pointing out the turns I took left instead of right.
Right now is one of those carrying times. Which means I’m a little timid. I’m not pulling up to this tall desk with the same confidence, the same steadiness of voice. But now I think maybe that’s okay. The Becky typing these words is not the Becky of 2 years ago. It is not the Becky of 3 months ago. It’s just me. Becks. Who still loves stories and words and images, whose fingers still tingle every time I reach for my camera. I’ve been busy and I can’t wait to share it all with you. There’s so much to catch up on and I kind of want to jump up and down right now, because I’m getting really excited! Getting past the nervous, to the excited! The so excited! Thank you for getting here with me, so many paragraphs later, and for that I’ve got a sneak peek of Mac & Reggie. Ain't they gorgeous together...